Shame On Me
by CopperBoom4
Summary: A Look At The Turbulent Relationship Between House And Cuddy Through Cuddy's Eyes


**A/N: I'm trying something a little different here. This idea just popped into my head while listening to "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor Swift. She explains the song as "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". I thought of Cuddy (which I seem to do a lot) in that she always knew what House was like but kept wishing she didn't and wishing he could change. This is a rare fic for me because I'm actually acknowledging and accepting "Moving On". I own nothing. I would be much richer if I did.**

* * *

"_You found me"_

It all started that day in the Michigan Bookstore. He took one look at my schedule. He pegged me as an overachiever who knew how to party. I never wanted to admit he was right, not even now. He was though, he's always right.

"_I guess you didn't care and I guess I liked that"_

He had this nonchalant air about him when he walked into Endocrinology that first day. That was usually an undergrad class. Let's face it; he never did things by the book. Something about him seemed so dangerous or mysterious, I guess I liked that. I guess I liked the careless reckless attitude. I had never gone for a bad boy type in my life. There's a first time for everything.

"_And when I fell hard, you took a step back_

_Without me"_

We ended up sleeping together near the end of the first semester. I can't pinpoint exactly which moment that night I knew I had fallen for him. I just know it happened because otherwise I never would have let him slam me up against the doorframe of my room like he did. When I woke up in the morning he was gone and I was sure I would never see him again.

"_I realize the blame is on me"_

He promised to call. At least that's what his post-it note claimed. He never called. They never call. I can only blame myself for getting mixed up in that mess. I knew better and there was a reason I had never fallen for a bad boy.

"_I knew you were trouble when you walked in_

_So shame on me now"_

He was trouble. He had always been trouble. He always would be trouble.

I should have known.

"_Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground"_

* * *

"_No apologies, he'll never see you cry"_

I buried what I felt for him deep inside. Dated more intellectual "goody-goody" types. I had almost forgotten about him, almost. Tears would still sneak up on me late at night every now and again but nothing I couldn't handle. Nothing, that is, until one day after I had graduated and become the Dean of Medicine. I walked into my office to find him sitting there, application and resume in hand, feet propped up on my coffee table.

"_Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why_

_You're drowning"_

I don't know why I hired him. I don't know what possessed me to do that. All it did was make me miserable. At least we had an understanding. I was miserable and treated him with next to no courteousness or respect and he pretended not to know it was because I was still furious with him over our past.

"_And I heard you moved on from whispers on the street"_

Supposedly he dated quite the string of girls after our little incident. He finally settled on a lawyer named Stacy. Not that he told me this himself. Old classmates, hospital co-workers, he really was a staple in the gossip mills of any place he had ever graced with his presence.

"_A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be"_

I never expected him to wait for me. Really, I didn't. I guess part of me just always wished it had meant something to him. Something meaningful and more than just a conquest.

"_He was long gone when he met me"_

He had never been a happy man, even when I met him for the first time. It only worsened when the infarction hit him. I thought maybe things could change between us, especially after Stacy left him. My misguided sense of guilt may have played into that, but still I thought it could be a new start for us.

"_And I realize the joke in on me"_

He only resented me more after the infarction..

He never liked being close to people and he wouldn't start now.

"_I knew you were trouble when you walked in_

_So shame on me now"_

I tried to convince myself he could change. For the better.

People Don't Change.

"_Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground"_

* * *

"_And the saddest fear_

_Comes creeping in_

_That you never loved me_

_Or her, or anyone, or anything"_

I stand and look at the shattered remains that were once my house. Everything is destroyed, all because of one man. I feel sick. This is just a physical representation of everything I've been feeling for over twenty years. He destroys everything because he doesn't know how to be happy. Maybe he never loved me. Maybe he never loved Stacy. Maybe he's never loved anyone or anything. Maybe he's just incapable of feeling anything other than pain.

"_I knew you were trouble when you walked in_

_So shame on me now"_

I've packed up my home, my daughter, and my life. We have to get away from here, from him.

I should have known. I did know. I just wish I didn't. Then maybe we wouldn't be in this mess.

I always knew he was trouble.

"_Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground"_

* * *

**A/N: Since the style and everything was new I'd really love feedback (good or bad) on it. This was a more depressing fic than I normally do, no happy ending tied up in a neat little bow, so I'd love to hear your thoughts on that too! Thanks so much!**


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